my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
