You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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