She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
