Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
