I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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