I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
