I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
