no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
