You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
