If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
