I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
