Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
