DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
