I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
