Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
