Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
