I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
