Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
