I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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