She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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