im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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