I want to stick my p in your. b.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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