making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
