Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
