So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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