My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
