you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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