Can Purell be used as lube?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
