He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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