just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
