I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
