I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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