She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize