I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
