I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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