So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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