Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
