i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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