This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
