I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
