no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
