sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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