The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's never too late to be topless.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
