i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
