I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
