Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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