you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
do nipples grow back?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
