I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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