So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need to sanitize my soul.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
