Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
