New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
