it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
