While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
