Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
