Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
